First Off, There’s No X: Espresso 101

Try it sometime.

Go to your favorite cafe and ask the barista, “Can I have a double EX-presso?”

Notice the involuntary squinching of the face, the sudden intensity or avoidance of the gaze, followed by a short, sharp, staccato, “Sure!”

What does it mean? There’s only one word to describe it. One word that’s so powerful, it’s actually three words:

Extreme. Emotional. Distress.

On second thought, don’t try this. Like, at all.

Instead, bask in the self-congratulation that we at LOKL Cafe get to experience on the daily, of knowing one simple and inexorable truth:

There’s No X in Espresso!

While we’re on the subject, what else do you need to know to breathe the rarified air of the ESS-presso expert? I asked some experts, so let’s find out!

Are “espresso beans” a type of coffee plant, a region, a blend, or what? 

Our good friend and coffee expert, Andres Gallon, states unequivocally: “‘Espresso’ is a preparation method.” In short, this method optimizes the coffee’s natural oils, which emulsify during brewing to create that yummy layer of crema on top and that complex, rich, intense flavor. 

“And espresso is almost always a medium roast.” 

What do home espresso drinkers most often get wrong?

Let’s ask espresso machine repair expert Arkadi Merkin, from MAAS ELEKTRO in Randolph. 

Coffee quality is of course important, but when it comes to the machine itself, “first is hardness of water, second is missing service maintenance.” 

“New Jersey is famous for hard water, which creates scaling in your appliance and weakens performance. So buy a water hardness test online or at Home Depot, and get a softening system to filter out the minerals. You can get one just for the kitchen. Your coffee will be much better.” 

And what about maintenance? “Maintenance is a must. Every manufacturer gives you instructions. So please,” Arkadi exhorts, “just follow them!”

I’ve seen some people on YouTube put salt in their espresso. Do I have to do this too to get my espresso friends to respect me?!?!?

Nope. Adding salt “is a preference, just like adding sugar,” Andres clarifies. So you’re off the hook.

But hey, if you’re feeling salty, rock on.

Does espresso have more caffeine than regular coffee?

Coffee farmer Juan Philippe weighs in: “Generally, a shot of espresso has less caffeine than a cup of coffee, but it has more caffeine per ounce than drip coffee because it is more concentrated, with less water content per ounce.” 

So if you get coffee with an espresso on the side, it’s a bit like getting a shot with a beer chaser. But for daytime!

Should you swirl your espresso before you drink it? Or is this unnecessary? 

Andres: “That is a preference. You swirl just to get the aromas and smell the notes.” But it is not mandatory. Nothing is, really!

When a barista makes espresso, what is that thing that they stick the portafilter under that makes that “schwooh” noise?

Barista and model of modesty JaeShawn—you know Jae!—breaks it down for us:

“That noise is the automatic tamper. If the coffee puck is tamped by hand and comes out diagonal or uneven, it messes up extraction.” So “the auto-tamper makes it perfect. It also saves time. You never have to tamp a second time or clean off the edge of the filter. So the auto tamp saves maybe seven or eight seconds.”

Tamping by hand. Image: Getty

And of you’ve waited for coffee, you know that seven or eight seconds is an eternity. 

What if the espresso is too strong, thick, or melts your face a little?

Jae has the 411: “It probably means the extraction time is bad. I like extraction time to be between 18 and 24 seconds. (That’s for 18g of coffee). It can also be an issue with the grinder, because there are coarser and finer settings. So in order to get that right, you have to mess with it until you get it to a point where you know it’s good.

What should espresso taste like?: lemon, cigarette ash, sweet, or nothing at all?

This is some breadth of opinion on this. Andres explains: “ It should be strong but smooth to the palate, and shouldn’t leave a bad aftertaste. Many people think espresso needs to be bitter but the truth is the bitterness comes from over-roasting.”

Jae puts it in a terse soundbite: “It should taste like a tasty nothing!”

A tasty nothing. That’s, like, mad existential.

A bottomless, or uncompressed, portafilter. Image: wix

Does an uncompressed (or “bottomless”) portafilter make better espresso than a compressed one?

Arkadi says, “I like compressed portafilters better, personally. It's a very personal thing. My kids wanted a bottomless portafilter, so we got one. I don't see the big advantage; yes, it's a modern style or trend, many people follow that. But I'm kinda of conservative in this view. At the end of the day, it's like anything you eat and drink: it comes down to personal taste.”

Amen to that!

Do you agree with our cohort? Disagree? Will you pronounce it “expresso,” defend uncompressed as you would your firstborn, and dump in the salt just to impress people until the day you quit coffee (meaning never)?

We want to know! Email us at mark@myloklcafe.com and you might just end up in print!

And by the way, WE HAVE A PRINT NEWSLETTER! Pick it up in the cafe (if you haven't already), and stay tuned.....subscriptions by mail are in the works! story: Mark Ludas

photos unless otherwise noted: Panos Stogioglou